im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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