I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
