my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
