a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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