They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
