Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
