saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
