just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
