It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
