East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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