I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
