Cold hands, warm shart.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
