vagina is talking i cant
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
