Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
