So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
