Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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