We're facebook friends in real life
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
