what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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