Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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