Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
