I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
