So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
