I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
