So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
