I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
