I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
