And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
