Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
