she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
