you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
as a side note pls kill me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
