May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
