I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
