That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
