he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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