I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
