Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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