I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
