why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
