Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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