You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
