last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
