i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
