I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
