I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We left the knife in your bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
