Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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