Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
