if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
