ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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