You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
