also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
