He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
