The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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