We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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