respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
