i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
