think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
