Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
