I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
