Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
