just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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