remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
