I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
