I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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