I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We are all done wearing pants today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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