Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
