I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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