Kiss
Puke
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
