I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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