you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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