Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
