I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
