Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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