sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
