im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
