i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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