I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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