What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
