I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
