well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
