you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
