She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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