he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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