seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
