Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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