Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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