People with herpes should wear stickers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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