gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize