He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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