my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
