I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are two peas in an std pod
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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