When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
