Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
