If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
