I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pants 0. Shit 1.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
