I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
