Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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