i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
