Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
