someone owes me an orgasm
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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