she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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