I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
