They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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