Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
