would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
