or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
