I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
