she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
